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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24343804">At night, my heart seeks for you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineChildx/pseuds/SunshineChildx'>SunshineChildx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F!Byleth, F/F, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Post-Time Skip</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:48:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24343804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineChildx/pseuds/SunshineChildx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, I appreciate what you’re trying to do.” Byleth gives her a half-smile. “Putting my mind off things.” <br/>Edelgard takes a long sip of her rum, eyes staring deeply into Byleth's green eyes, her pupils growing wider.<br/>“Perhaps my intentions were merely to spend some alone time with you.”<br/>“I know you better than that,” Byleth says.<br/>“Tell me what happened.” Edelgard’s throat tightens, drops the bomb. "When you used divine pulse."</p>
<p>OR,<br/>What if Edelgard knew everytime Byleth uses divine pulse during battle? What happens in that future she keeps rewinding?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>231</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>At night, my heart seeks for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was inspired by the fact that, originally, in the game Edelgard was meant to be Byleth's rival. She has the crest of flames, the 'edge of dawn' song was first called 'the girl of Hresvelg', and initially El was going to be able to sense and interfere with Byleth using divine pulse. That got scrapped out, but what if Edelgard still sensed it somehow?<br/>This is set in Crimson Flower right after the Tailtean Plains battle and defeating Dimitri.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Byleth hasn’t been sleeping well, if at all.</p>
<p>Since the last battle and after defeating Dimitri, Edelgard has been woken up by Byleth’s tossing and turning late at night. Though it wasn’t that surprising; Edelgard has always been a light sleeper.</p>
<p>During the day, she notices small differences in Byleth. A clumsier sparring training. Her answers coming slower in the war council. The usual grace of her moves in battle turned into jumpy movements, half-assed blocks, unnecessary swings. Her gaze unfocused during their shared tea times.</p>
<p>On the day before they set off to Fhirdiad, the Faerghus capital, Byleth approaches her. They have just left the dining hall and are about to call it a night. They’re on the wide balcony next to the Monastery’s cathedral, close to the Goddess’ Tower, when Byleth speaks up to Edelgard.</p>
<p>“What do you do when you can’t sleep?”</p>
<p>Edelgard turns to look at her. The shimmering light of the moon casts long shadows across Byleth’s green irises. <em>They match the ones under her ocean eyes</em>, Edelgard thinks.</p>
<p>“Usually go outside and get some fresh air.” She says, remembering all the nights she’s fled out of her room seeking some breeze against her cheeks. “Having trouble sleeping?”</p>
<p>Byleth nods.</p>
<p>Edelgard smoothes the surface of her long Emperor dress she can’t wait to get out of. The night is quiet and clear, no howling in the distance, just the ruffling of the leaves sitting on her ears; it almost helps her forget they’re still in the midst of a war. <em>Almost</em>.</p>
<p>“I can show you the spell Manuela taught me.” She says, her lips dry. “I haven’t really made use of it much, I don’t like the effect it has on me, but perhaps it’d be of use to you.”</p>
<p>Byleth raises her eyebrows, a silent question.</p>
<p>“You’ll go right to sleep,” Edelgard elaborates. “But when the spell wears off and you wake up, you most certainly won’t feel rested.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine.” Byleth looks down at her hands. “I just want everything to <em>pause</em> for a couple of hours.”</p>
<p>Edelgard holds her breath, tries to give her space. She knows something is <em>off</em> – Edelgard’s always taken pride in being exceedingly good at reading others. Byleth, however, was a mystery yet to solve.</p>
<p>“Is there something bothering you?”</p>
<p>Byleth shakes her head, tufts of green hair falling over her eyes. “Just nightmares.”</p>
<p>Edelgard’s voice is soft but firm. She <em>has to</em> know.</p>
<p>“Because of what happened in the Tailtean Plains?”</p>
<p>There’s a pause, the world holds its breath for a second. Byleth’s eyelashes flutter against her cheeks, taken aback.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Would it help to talk about it?”</p>
<p>Byleth’s gaze is still focused on her hands, fingers slowly flexing and unflexing as if trying to release the tension there. Her mouth is closed making a thin, pink line. Edelgard can almost feel her fighting her demons inside.</p>
<p>“Not really,” Byleth finally says, her eyes meeting Edelgard’s, lilac irises compassionate and caring. “I’d rather go to sleep.”</p>
<p>Later that night, Byleth surrenders to a restless sleep right after using the spell Edelgard showed her. Anything just to <em>pause</em> everything for a couple of hours.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The day before arriving at Fhirdiad, they’ve stopped in Connad territory to ultimate the plan and gather energy for the final battle. Most of the army have set up tents in a campsite on the outside of the village, but the Black Eagle Strike Force will rest for the night at the town’s inn. It’s a small place, with barely enough rooms to accommodate them all.</p>
<p>When they arrive at the room she and Edelgard are to share, Byleth collapses face down into the queen-sized bed. She gives out a loud sigh into the flannel comforter, rolls over to look up at the ceiling, and stares at the twinkling light bulb above their heads.</p>
<p>Edelgard’s face comes into view. Byleth smiles and pats the mattress next to her.</p>
<p>“Looks like we’ll have to share the bed,” she says. She still has shadows under her eyes.</p>
<p><em>I hope that some company helps you sleep tonight</em>, Edelgard thinks. She doesn’t say this out loud.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Hours later, Edelgard would be proven wrong when she awakes to a half-empty bed. Where Byleth’s body used to be, now there’s just the cold empty mattress. She hears shuffling in the corner of the room and sharpens her sight to find what’s moving in the dark. Moonlight casts blue reflections along the curve of Byleth’s neck, the green locks oh hair that fall down her back. She’s putting on her boots.</p>
<p>Edelgard sits up. Byleth’s movements cease.</p>
<p>“Professor?”</p>
<p>“I’m going for a walk,” it’s all she whispers back.</p>
<p>“Would you like some company?”</p>
<p>Edelgard feels a twinge of guilt in her chest. She knows Byleth to be a rather reserved person, knows how much she despises having others worrying for her. Edelgard knows she wants to be alone. Still, she can’t stop herself from asking. Her questions hover over them in the air, the quiet only interrupted with the low metal noise of the Sword of the Creator hanging from Byleth’s hip.</p>
<p>“I think so, yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is there any place you’d like to go this late at night?” Edelgard asks. Byleth’s hands are tucked into the pockets of her shorts.</p>
<p>“Yeah. A bar,” she says quietly. Edelgard didn’t expect that, but she doesn’t complain.</p>
<p>They walk the rest of the walk in silence. Edelgard takes a deep breath of the cold Faerghus air, sending a shiver down her spine. It’s late at night and most of the people are asleep, there barely are any lights in the houses around the village. Edelgard sees a few lit windows, the warm, golden light vanishing the darkness like stars in the dark sky.</p>
<p>Silence enwraps them, but Edelgard finds it comforting. She has always known Byleth to be one of the quieter members of their group, but without the presence of Dorothea, Caspar, or Ferdinand, Edelgard senses her reserved nature more. After all, she doesn’t usually find much time to spend alone with her while organizing a war.</p>
<p>It doesn’t take long to find an open bar. It’s basically how Edelgard had pictured it – Brick walls, a dartboard, wooden tables, and a wide selection of drinks, each one cheaper than the last. It’s fairly populated for a weekday night, that’s quite surprising.</p>
<p>Edelgard orders rum and watches Byleth lean against the counter, ordering a drink.</p>
<p>“Double whiskey, please.” Edelgard stares at her. “What?”</p>
<p>They pick a table near the entrance, safe from the cold outside. Edelgard takes a modest sip of her rum.</p>
<p>“I didn’t take you for a hard liquor woman.”</p>
<p>Byleth looks down at her drink, her fingers picking at the corner of the glass.</p>
<p>“Hard not to be, when Jeralt is – <em>was</em>, my father.”</p>
<p>Edelgard looks up. “He was such an honourable man. He would certainly hold high pride with you.”</p>
<p>“He’d be proud of me being in a <em>bar</em> the night before a fight, I’ll give you that.” Byleth places her elbows on the table. “This place looks a lot like the kind of places we used to visit on our journeys.”</p>
<p>That draws out a small smile from Edelgard. There’s always something surprisingly pleasing in learning new things about Byleth.</p>
<p>“Really? How were those places like?”</p>
<p>Byleth’s eyes dart around, taking in the scene. The low sound of chatter, the smell of beers, the rough touch of the wood.</p>
<p>“Well, certainly much warmer than this. Neither of us really liked the cold of Faerghus.” She drinks from her glass, tongue travelling through her bottom lip. Edelgard stares. “We spent a lot of time here and there, but we did have a wooden house we built from scratch. We had a fireplace too, and he’d tell me stories of monsters he’d defeated.”</p>
<p>Edelgard nods, listening. “Sounds like you had an exciting childhood.”</p>
<p>“Well, yeah. It definitely wasn’t boring when he was around.”</p>
<p>Byleth’s face falls a little when the mention of her deceased father leaves her lips, and Edelgard silently curses herself for letting the conversation get to such a dark place for her.</p>
<p>Instead of answering, she looks around and spots something in the bar, seeking for something to change the topic.</p>
<p>“What is that?”</p>
<p>“Hm?” Byleth follows her eyes. “Oh, that’s a dartboard. Want to play?”</p>
<p>“I’ve never really played before.” Edelgard admits.</p>
<p>“You haven’t?” Byleth looks amused, a smile curving on her lips.</p>
<p>“You’ll have to add this to the list of things I learn from you, my teacher.”</p>
<p>Byleth doesn’t respond right away; instead, she heads for the counter of the bar. The bartender hands her a bunch of purple and green darts and refills Byleth’s glass. Edelgard wonders when she had finished it.</p>
<p>“Okay. It’s not hard, really.” She says, handing Edelgard the purple darts. “If you hit the bullseye you earn 50 points, the rings on the outer part score 25 points.”</p>
<p>“So, aim for the centre objective?” She sums up. Byleth frowns slightly.</p>
<p>“Don’t think like it’s a target to be eliminated. Don’t think of war, just – try to beat <em>me</em>.”</p>
<p>“Is there any prize if I win?” Edelgard’s lips bloom into a soft smile.</p>
<p>Byleth bursts out laughing. There’s so much they can’t say yet.</p>
<p>Two rounds of drinks later and the darts are all over the bar’s floor. The wall around the dartboard is filled with holes, most of which are Edelgard’s fault. Despite what Byleth told her, she <em>did</em> aim to the bullseye like a target. Apparently, managing darts was far more difficult than an axe.</p>
<p>They sit back down in their corner of the bar with excitement bubbling in their chests and what Edelgard wishes would be their last round of whiskey and rum.</p>
<p>“Hey, I appreciate what you’re trying to do.” Byleth gives her a half-smile.</p>
<p>“And that would be?”</p>
<p>“Putting my mind off things,” she hesitates. “And also…”</p>
<p>“Do go on.”</p>
<p>“…trying to make me talk about the Tailtean Plains.”</p>
<p>Edelgard takes a long sip of her rum, shifts closer to Byleth slowly, eyes staring deeply into her green eyes, her pupils growing wider.</p>
<p>“Perhaps my intentions were merely to spend some alone time with you.”</p>
<p>“I know you better than that,” Byleth says, her smile slowly growing smaller. “Still, you wouldn’t understand.”</p>
<p>Edelgard has to physically stop herself from reaching across the table and take Byleth’s hand.</p>
<p>“My teach – no, <em>Byleth</em>. I trust you with my life. I ask of you to do the same with me. You can confide in me.”</p>
<p>She manages to keep her smile in place exactly where it was, but Edelgard sees in her disbelief.</p>
<p>“You would think I’m crazy.”</p>
<p>Byleth drains her glass. The thought that she should stop drinking crosses Edelgard’s mind briefly, but the alcohol has already soaked into her system as well; her pulse quickens staring at Byleth licking her bottom lip, her breaths grow slower.</p>
<p>Then, Edelgard sighs and leans back against the chair. Even in a bar in the middle of the night, she’s still the Emperor.</p>
<p>“I think it’s time I drop the façade,” she says, hands clasped together on the table, feeling in the tips of her fingers the building electricity of a storm that’s about to crack. She knows more than she’s letting on. “Tell me what happened.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Byleth meets her eyes, confusion swirling in her irises.</p>
<p>Edelgard’s throat tightens, drops the bomb. "When you used <em>divine pulse</em>."</p>
<p>"How do you-"</p>
<p>Edelgard takes a long drink, as if she was steeling herself to talk. She guesses that getting Byleth to open up might take a bit of sincerity form her, too.</p>
<p>"It’s nothing we’ve discussed before, but – I can feel it when you use it. It's... hard to describe. Like time stops and unwinds, like something <em>changes</em> on the battlefield but I can't grasp what it is."</p>
<p>Her voice trails off.</p>
<p>"How do you know it's me who does that?" Byleth asks cautiously.</p>
<p>"Because you're the only thing that feels <em>real</em> when that happens, the only constant. It has to be <em>you</em>."</p>
<p>Edelgard says, voice raw, stained with all the times she’s felt the world crack wide open and write itself brand new under her feet, felt Byleth’s stare across the battlefield – her pain and her <em>relief</em>.</p>
<p>Byleth nods to herself, letting the information sink in.</p>
<p>“That's really smart."</p>
<p>"It's just a hunch.” Edelgard shrugs. “So? What happened back at the Tailtean Plains?"</p>
<p>Byleth feels her hands shaking and looks at her –  she stares, <em>stares</em> like she isn’t really there, as if she was watching Edelgard’s back in the battlefield and she’s trapped in a loop she can’t break, watches the silver and the blood, her gasps and the ache that comes after; <em>trembles</em>.</p>
<p>"You died."</p>
<p>She releases in a single breath, dragging the words. Byleth’s voice sounds calm, she doesn’t tell her how her own heart feels jagged and pointy like a shattered mirror. Edelgard isn’t sure what she means.</p>
<p>"I see. Was it the first time?"</p>
<p>"No.” Byleth shakes her head, eyes darkened. “I've watched you die many times now, in many ways."</p>
<p>Edelgard isn’t stupid, she knew that all of them being alive for this long was fairly impossible, a dream too good to wake up from. <em>It’s always been Byleth</em>, Edelgard thinks. <em>She’s carrying the weight of keeping us alive, the burden to alter reality</em>. She digs her nails into her hands, despising her inability to do <em>more</em>.</p>
<p>"How does it feel?” The words clutter in Edelgard’s throat. She swallows, thinks of regrets, of every bit of past she couldn’t change. “To be able to bring someone back?"</p>
<p>"Unfair.” Byleth’s fingers tense around the grip on her glass. “Like I'm just borrowing someone else's power, like I'm selfishly fighting against fate to keep all of you next to me."</p>
<p>Her tone is anxious, harried by memory. All Edelgard wants to do is soothe, reach for her – bring her <em>closer</em>.</p>
<p>"Do you ever regret turning back time?"</p>
<p>Byleth clenches and unclenches her hands, then finds her eyes. "Would you not want me to?"</p>
<p>Edelgard’s lips curve into a smile. That’s her power alone to bear, but that doesn’t mean that Edelgard won’t fight until the end with all her strength. As long as Byleth stays beside her – yes, as long as Byleth <em>stays</em>.</p>
<p>"What are you fighting for, my teacher?"</p>
<p>Something in Byleth’s expression changes, her gaze softens just for her. "You."</p>
<p>"I see.” Edelgard blushes, crimson colours blooming under the soft skin of her cheeks. Byleth stares, <em>stares</em>. “Thank you for saving me."</p>
<p>She looks up and holds Byleth’s gaze. There’s a determined spark in her eyes, green combusting under her stare like a fallen star, unfaltering and determined.</p>
<p>"As long as I'm alive, I'll always bring you back to me."</p>
<p>They still haven’t talked about Byleth’s blessing. About Rhea. About the way they felt around each other. They both know there’s something extraordinary there – something bigger than the two of them, stronger than crests, greater than <em>destiny</em> – but they don’t dare to speak of it, less it all comes crumbling down. It’s a secret they share and one they can’t even acknowledge to each other. At least not yet.</p>
<p>“You should get some water.” Edelgard raises her hand to call for the bartender.</p>
<p>Byleth grabs her drink in one hand, staring at it. “I think I’ll get another one of this.”</p>
<p>Edelgard glances at Byleth’s empty glass. “I don’t think you should –”</p>
<p>“Please, Edelgard. I don’t – I don’t want to face another sleepless night in the dark. Just, let me have this.”</p>
<p>Edelgard can’t find it in herself to deny Byleth this. Not when she hardly ever asks for anything. Not when all she ever does is <em>give</em>. Still, her words bleed in a way Edelgard can’t quite grasp.</p>
<p>“Can I do anything to help?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Stay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Byleth isn’t exactly stumbling by the time they leave the bar, but her reflexes are far clumsier than they usually are. Edelgard holds her with one arm around her waist the entire walk back. <em>Just to make sure she doesn’t trip</em>, she tells herself, ignores the faint blush blooming under her own cheeks.</p>
<p>“I like spending time with you.” Edelgard can hear the grin in her voice.</p>
<p>“Likewise.”</p>
<p>“Next time, I’ll take you somewhere nicer.” Byleth’s head lies on her shoulder, heavy and unsteady. “And we’ll talk about happy things.”</p>
<p>Her breath comes out too close to Edelgard’s ear, sending a shiver down her spine. Still, Edelgard smiles, thinking of better times to come.</p>
<p>“After the war ends.”</p>
<p>When they get to the inn, Edelgard climbs the stairs and opens the door as quietly as she can. Luckily, there’s no one else in the room that might be bothered by their entrance.</p>
<p>She’s closing the door with Byleth still leaning against her when she suddenly finds herself tumbling clumsily into their unmade bed. She quickly rolls to not fall on top of her, manoeuvres their bodies so that Edelgard hovers above her, hands pressed into the mattress on either side of Byleth’s head. <em>What am I supposed to do now?</em> She thinks, a warm feeling spreading down her stomach, her veins.</p>
<p>Byleth looks up at her.</p>
<p>“After the war – <em>Edelgard</em>. You need to promise me. Promise me you’ll be there. After the war ends. Edelgard, I need you to <em>promise</em> –”</p>
<p>Byleth insists, green eyes finding soft lavender, the pink of her mouth. Her voice rumbles low in Edelgard’s chest, throbbing lightly like her heart.</p>
<p>“You’re drunk, Eisner.”</p>
<p>“Am not.” Byleth grins sleepily up at her. Edelgard watches her swallow hard, struggle against the alcohol sitting in her veins, her thick voice growing more serious. “If anything happens, I’ll bring you back. I swear. Just – Come <em>back</em> to me.”</p>
<p>Edelgard smiles. She feels the words leaving her lips, the way a fuzzy feeling fills her corners inside.</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>When she looks down, Byleth’s eyes have started to grow watery. She pulls Edelgard close by the collar of her shirt until their noses are almost touching; lowering her voice, forcing Edelgard to look at her like she owes her at least this much.</p>
<p>“I’m worried everything’s going to fall apart. I can’t keep it together like this.”  Byleth mouths, feels her heart shrink like it’s out of breath. “I’m scared –”</p>
<p>“Of what?” Edelgard palms her cheek, thumb brushing softly the skin that meets her there.</p>
<p>Byleth doesn’t voice how her heart flutters to Edelgard’s touch, how grateful she feels to see her still breathing in front of her. Alive. <em>Close</em> – How <em>terrified</em> she is to lose her.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. This power isn’t really mine, what if it goes as easily as it came? What if she takes it away and I <em>can’t</em> bring you back if the worst happens?” Byleth breathes unsteadily, trying to shove the tears away, clutching tightly Edelgard’s arms. Her hands are strong. “I can’t – I can’t let any of you die.”</p>
<p>“That won’t happen, we’ll defeat Rhea and build a new Fodlan exactly how we’ve always done everything – <em>together</em>.”</p>
<p>“How are you so sure?” The urgency in her voice is palpable.</p>
<p>She would be cracking under the fear of failure, of losing everyone she loves, if her veins weren’t soaked in alcohol – if Edelgard’s touch wasn’t this <em>soothing</em>.</p>
<p>“I am not.” Edelgard decides to tell her something true, something <em>real</em>, in hopes that it would help quiet her unease. Sometimes, truth is what our hearts seek for. Still, the faltering of her voice mocks her attempt at being strong. “Do you want to know a secret?”</p>
<p>Byleth nods.</p>
<p>“I am terrified as well. But I trust you. With you here, I feel everything will be okay.”</p>
<p>Edelgard breathes out, her fingers reaching up and knotting in Byleth’s hair; she feels her heart pouring warmth. It would be so easy to lean down and kiss her right here. But there’s no time for love during the war.</p>
<p>Edelgard sits up and starts to take off Byleth’s boots. They hit the ground in a soft thud and Edelgard climbs under the covers, where Byleth has already found a warm spot. She pulls the comforter over them both and slips one arm around Byleth’s waist, her fingers spreading against the wool of her shirt. Surprisingly, Byleth drowsily buries her face into the crook of her neck, mumbling a soft ‘thank you, Edelgard’ that gives her goosebumps. Edelgard chooses to ignore those, leaning in and filling every corner and crack of her chest with Byleth’s scent.</p>
<p>She holds her like that until she feels Byleth’s breath slow into a soft rhythm, the recognizable flutter of her eyelashes that indicates she’s fallen deep into slumber —only then, when she’s made sure Byleth is resting, Edelgard allows her limbs to relax, holding Byleth impossibly closer and taking shelter in her shape against her, the tide of sleep overtaking them both.</p>
<p> </p>
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